“It is going down next week in the Toilet Bowl” says proud loser Ronnie Brown, running back for the Whompus Cats. “I have really focused this year on my inconsistency. It’s been really tough, but I think I’m about as consistently inconsistent as you could get from a high draft pick. What really helped was when I started checking the Whompus Cat lineup Sunday mornings to see if I was starting. If I had an active tab by my name, I was headed to Denny’s for a double “Moon Over Mi-hammy” breakfast sandwich with extra cheese and a side of biscuits and gravy.”
Ronnie says this double helping of eggs, cheese, and ham all packaged neatly into a sandwich helped keep him sluggish and ineffective against even the most porous defenses. “Man, I was close to puking every time we went back to the huddle. The offensive linemen wouldn’t get near me because they were afraid I’d blow chunks in their cleats. I’d tell them, ‘oh man, it’s just partially digested eggs, ham, cheese, biscuits and gravy, don’t be such a wuss.’ Linemen, who needs them? I’m glad threw up on them.”
Ronnie, noticing he has been benched in the Whompus Cat lineup, says he most likely will return to his previous pre-game meal of little chocolate donuts and cigarettes.
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